Clock Is Ticking

The word we’re hearing is that Gunty is gone. Apparently, she and the company reached some agreement that allowed her to step down gracefully. I’m sure that’s complete bullshit. Gunty’s numbers have been down for a while and the company decided to make a change. It should be noted that Gunty has taken two somewhat lengthy sick leaves over the past 9 months while she was being treated for breast cancer. So, to recap, the company basically canned a 20-year employee after her numbers slipped while she was out with breast cancer.

Now, we are apparently under this douche bag named Carl. I’ve met him once before, several months ago. He is a very distinguishable character as he is uniquely fat, has long hair which he slicks back and wears bow-ties…every single day. Just like you and I wear ties, he wears bow-ties. And he’s about 40 years old. Who in the fuck dresses like that? Or at least, who in the fuck dresses like that and doesn’t expect people to think of him as a total douche bag?

Anyway, we, meaning Sojayla and I and in effect the Buffoon, have been under the gun for a while now and this month has finally become crunch time. All PBSs are required to meet a monthly revenue goal, much like any other sales job. However, what’s bullshit about our system is that every PBS throughout middle Tennessee has the same goal. There are upwards of 30 branches scattered about that territory and each branch has two to four PBSs sitting at desks. Some branches are in high traffic areas, while other, like our’s, are out in the sticks. Yet, regardless of location, management has given each PBS the same revenue number to hit. From that revenue number, the company then backs into the goal for the entire branch. For instance, if a branch has two PBSs, each with a goal of 100 revenue dollars, then the branch goal is approximately 215, with the extra amount being the responsibility of the manager and tellers. There have been occasions where a branch was assigned a 3rd PBS and the goal immediately jumped to accommodate that individuals goal. On paper, this makes sense, but in practice, it is completely moronic. What management doesn’t seem to understand is that increasing the number of sales people doesn’t increase the customer base for a particular branch, and thus, those revenue dollars don’t uniformly transfer. It would be similar to a football team whose running back averaged 100 rushing yards per game one season. Then, in the off-season, management decided they would like more rushing yards. So, in order to achieve this goal, the team acquired two additional running backs who each averaged 100 rushing yards per game in the previous season as well. Management then figured the team would now rush for 300 yards per game. It just doesn’t work that way.

The system makes absolutely no sense and if I cared more I would probably attempt to voice my opinion. However, seeing as I’d rather watch this place burn to the ground than get involved, I elect stay silent on the matter. So, with that being said, it appears as though my days may be numbered. As I mentioned, we have been feeling the pressure for several months now due to our poor sales numbers, both on an individual basis and collectively as a branch. I must admit, my numbers are quite atrocious. Have you ever tried to sell something you didn’t believe in or care about? Well, I have and it never works out well. To her credit, Sojayla tries and is a good employee, but even she realizes we are fighting an unwinable battle. The location we are in is dead and simply doesn’t provide enough traffic to generate a sufficient base of monthly revenue. In order to hit our revenue target, we have to go outside of the branch and literally hunt down new customers. This may work sporadically and produce a few outlier type months, but it the long run, its unsustainable. So, we are forced to bob and weave each month, channelling business to either Sojayla or myself, depending on who is on the hotter seat that particular month. It has been a game of smoke and mirrors and now, as was inevitable, our luck has run out and we are both drastically under goal with no more tricks up our sleeves. Unless I can pull off some kind of miracle, I will finish this month under quota again and be let go from this God forsaken job. It nearly makes me want to puke. I took this shit job, for shit pay, and deal with the shit task and the shit hours that come with it in the hopes of getting my foot in the door of another department within the bank. And now it looks like that will have all been for naught. I will do all I can to swindle and scam my way for another month or so, with the hopes of leaving on my own terms with another gig lined up and the ability to tell them all to go fuck themselves. We’ll see how that works out. I can hear the clock ticking.