The Pressure is On, Again

The Buffoon had his manager’s meeting today and came back all fired up. This usually occurs some time in the second week of each month. All the managers are assembled and typical meeting bullshit takes place. The top performers are applauded while the bottom-dwellers are silently recognized by all those who read the monthly sales totals. At the end, as the Buffoon has informed me, the managers who missed their sales targets are held for additional one-on-one sessions to discuss each person’s situation. Our numbers suck and they have sucked for the entire time I’ve worked here. The Buffoon is all too willing to tell me how he “cain’t stan’ them one-on-ones where you jus’ have to sit there and get bullied ’bout your dang numbers”. The Fembot and I have long since cared. We share a mutual disrespect for the Buffoon and are indifferent to whether he fails. Granted, we are both attempting to save our own jobs, which would effectively save his, but his troubles are of zero concern to us.

The Buffoon basically dicks-off all month. He comes in late, leaves early, takes 5 hour lunches, ignores emails and does all the other normal shit that occupies his weeks. Then, however, during the second week of each month, he meets with his dorky little boss who rightfully chews his ass out for having such shitting sales numbers at our branch. In his frazzled state, the Buffoon returns to the branch enraged and on a mission. He is ready to lay down the law, but as he tries, his tired story is faintly absorbed by the Fembot and I. For we know that when the clock strikes five o’clock, or earlier, he will leave and forget about all the new directives he has just promised and by tomorrow things will be back to normal. It is truly remarkable the things that must go on in this man’s head contrast to what actually occurs in the real world. I have never witnessed anything as puzzling as the Buffoon’s lack of self-awareness.

I have been lazy about certain things for a good portion of my life. I’ve had jobs I loathed, relationships I neglected and classes I hated. I have been fired and left and have nearly failed, yet none of it came as a surprise. I was completely aware of the fact that I was being lazy. I knew what I had put in and was pretty much expecting what I was going to get out. I don’t think I am unique in that experience either. I believe most people in the world are well aware of when they are being lazy and in most cases, people aren’t so much lazy as they have simply reached a point of no longer giving a fuck. After spending a year or so observing the fat guy that is my boss, I really consider him the dumbest man I have ever met based on the fact that he cannot understand nor rationalized what else he could possibly do to succeed at this job. I can easily explain why I don’t succeed: I feel this job is pointless and beneath me, I don’t give a shit and don’t care and thus have a bad attitude about this job in general. I am not surprised that I am not “good” at this job. He, on the other hand, can’t fathom why he isn’t succeeding. He is doing nothing outside of going home early and dicking-off with his friends, yet he can’t imagine how he could possible improve. The words, “I don’t know what else I can do”, literally come out of his mouth each month. It’s as if I’m witnessing a strange, psychological study on delusion. The bank will have to fire him, or all of us, at some point. If it doesn’t, it will prove our whole line of business is a silly charade. If it does, it will at least restore some balance and justice to our little world.