Twins

“Can I help you guys?”, I said to the interesting fellows standing in front of me.

“Yes”, the first one said. “Is (the Buffoon) around?”, the second one continued.

“Yeah, I think he’s in the back. Let me go grab him”, I said as I stood and walked towards the kitchen area.

I found the Buffoon sitting in the break room watching an episode of “Judge Alex”. He didn’t seem too busy.

“Hey (Buffoon), there are two guys in the lobby looking for you. They’re twins.”

“Twins? I don’t know any twins”, he said looking puzzled, as if I had misheard who they had asked for.

“Well, I don’t them either, but they asked for you by name. They are two, short little guys who are dressed alike.” The two little guys kind of freaked me out. They were very small, maybe 5’4”, and in my conversation with them, they had almost spoke as one, sort of finishing each other’s sentences. Plus, they were dressed alike.

The Buffoon came out and immediately embraced them with his goofy smile, indicating he recognized this little duo. I had to stand there awkwardly as the three of them were blocking my path back to my desk. After a brief greeting, the Buffoon introduced me, stating that these guys used to have a cleaning service that was contracted to clean the branches of the bank he previously worked for. It was obvious he did not remember their names. One of the little guys spoke up and informed us that they still had that cleaning service and, in fact, were trying to find out which cleaning service our bank used. The Buffoon said he could find out and invited his buddies into his office.

If you were to meet only one of the little guys, you would assume he was gay. However, with both of them in front of me, it seemed odd to think they were both gay. I didn’t know if identical twins were ever both gay. I wasn’t sure how that worked. Then I thought how convenient it would be if they were both gay and could somehow be boyfriends. They were both so little and dressed alike and also worked together, that it would be so convenient if they were also a couple. They obviously spent a lot of time together already, plus, they’d only have one set of parents to visit on holidays and could always share clothes. However, any type of break up would be really trying on so many fronts. They’d probably already thought through all of that long ago and decided it best to not even start down that road. That was good thinking on their part. Good for them.

Their little outfits were also weird. They were wearing all black and in an awful way. They each had on black jeans and black t-shirts. It definitely wasn’t the casual, I-don’t-care type of clothing. It was the type of clothing that someone would wear in an attempt to be stylish. This black ensemble was completed with a brown, braided belt and brown topsiders. I wondered how they decided today would be black t-shirt day. Maybe they took turns on who got to pick their attire each time they left the house. I considered it a given that they lived together.

My phone then rang. It was the Buffoon calling me from 15 feet away. He requested that I come into his office. Once I arrived, he asked if I knew the name of the lady in charge of the cleaning services. He knew I didn’t, but had obviously run out of things to discuss with these little guys. I became worried that I was going to accidentally say something inappropriate in front of our guest, given the thoughts I’d just been having about them, so I replied to the Buffoon with a simple, “Nope”.

“Well, thank you”, he said sarcastically, annoyed that I didn’t try to contribute to the conversation.

“No, problem”, I said back in an equally sarcastic tone.

The two little guys were both staring up at me from their chairs during this brief exchange. They even moved in unison. Their heads had turned towards me at the same pace and were now cocked at the same angle. Their beady eyes remained fixed on me, unblinking. It was really starting to freak me out. I excused myself and returned to my desk where I watched the Buffoon fidget around while he tried to make conversation.

I took a walk outside, since I wasn’t really doing anything at my desk anyway. There was only one car in the visitor parking area which I assumed belonged to the little guys. It was naturally a convertible with the top down. A Lebaron to be precise. I wondered if the same one always drove or if they took turns. It also seemed like they should each have their own, little car. Maybe matching Miatas or something.

The main door to the branch opened and I saw the duo heading out, saying their good-byes to the Buffoon as they exited. They naturally headed towards me since I was standing near their car.

“It was nice meeting you”, one of them said. “You have a good one”, the other continued.

“It was nice meeting you guys, as well. You all be safe”, I said. I wasn’t sure why I’d told them to be safe. I guess it was just a reflex, subconscious concern for the two little guys venturing out into the big, bad world. They got into their car, buckled their seat belts in unison and drove off.

“Who were those guys?”, I said laughingly to the Buffoon once I went back into the branch.

“Oh, they’re just these guys who used to have a cleaning contract with my old bank”, he replied.
I was waiting to see if he would make any additional comments, addressing how weird they were. Sure enough, he finally said, “They’re strange little guys.”

“Yes, yes they are. They almost seem fake. The way they talk and move in unison is just strange”, I said in return. The Buffoon just nodded, somewhat confused. I don’t think he knew what ‘unison’ meant, so he was just pretending he agreed with me. “Plus, to me, the weirdest thing is that they dress alike”, I continued. “That was just odd.”

“Well, they’re twins”, the Buffoon said with a sudden defensiveness.

“Yeah, I know they are twins, but why in the hell do they dress alike?”, I said.

“Because they are twins”, the Buffoon reiterated, looking at me puzzled as to how I had missed that.

“Yes, I know they are twins, but why do they dress alike? Twins aren’t required to dress the same or anything. Adult twins don’t purposely dress alike”, I said back with the same puzzled look he had given me. I was now realizing that this had never dawned on the Buffoon before and I could tell the wheels were now turning in his head. I saw in his face that he’d always considered it a given that twins dressed alike, regardless of age. This new revelation was throwing him for a loop. He’d clearly always considered it normal that these two guys dress identically, due to the fact they were twins.

“Well, they’re twins”, he said in frustration as he put his head down and marched back towards his office.

I decided to let it go at that point.