Migration

This morning David called Sonya and I into his office to discuss a new initiative that was being handed down from management. Each branch was to begin a project which would identify its respective Level 1 customers and target them as private banking candidates. It was our job to then reach out to these “candidates” and arrange an introduction between them and a private banking representative who could then evaluate their financial position and determine whether the bank had a different product line that better suited their individual needs. It was being stressed that as the initial point of contact, we were not to explain any of the potential products or the exact pretense of the introduction, as these things were better left to the private banking representative.

This dumpster fire of a corporate initiative had just enough bull shit and business jargon packed into its syntax that it had undoubtedly appeared to be a slam dunk at the board meeting in which it had been approved. The thing that was glossed over, and that certainly went over the heads of many lowly branch soldiers in roles similar to mine, was that this project used and insulted a large number of both the company’s employees and customers in order to assist a single group within the organization, whose idea this most likely was in the first place.

I was truly amazed at the sheer audacity of project for two reasons. I didn’t know if the assholes who had come up with this concept were so removed from the front lines that they didn’t understand the orders they were handing down, or worse, they knew exactly what they were doing, but also knew there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do or say about it. Sonya and I sat there in quiet disbelief as we had both seen through the buzz words and corporate spin well enough to recognize this project for what it actually was, a mandate for us to not only hand over our best customers, but also do 90% of the work in facilitating the hand-off.

Had any of portion of the entire process been announced individually, I don’t think the reaction would have been as bad. For instance, had we been told to simply identify the branch’s top customers or that Private Banking would be doing that on its own, I don’t know that it would have felt like such a direct slap in the face. However, when coupled with the fact that we were then to do the “warm” calling, as they put it, and set-up a meeting for another group, the project became a complete “fuck you” to each of us. That doesn’t even take into consideration the fact that the Private Banking Representative would then decide whether the customer was worthy of being stolen or that we were not to reveal to the customer what this meeting was about in the first place.

As David, Sonya and I collectively saw it, if the Private Banking Group needed to increase its numbers and had gone to the appropriate power authorities to explain that there were wealthy individuals who could be mined from the branches, so be it. But, they should be the ones doing all the heavy lifting. Let them call these customers or at least explain the process in greater detail to the branches. From our view-point, we were not only being robbed, we were being asked by the thieves to carry our stolen items out to their car as well.
Regardless of how we felt, we had been given orders and we were in no position to ignore them. David pieced together a list of Level 1 customers and divided it among the three of us. From there we each went about making calls without much care as to how they went.

My first call ended as was expected:

“Hello,” said a man on the other end.

“Yes, hello, is this Mr. Jones?”

“Yeah, who is this?”

“Hey, Mr. Jones, this is Nic from the bank. Is this a convenient time for you to talk?”

“Is something wrong?”

“No, sir, there is no problem at all. I was actually calling to invite you to hear about a new program we are offering to some of our better customers.”

“What is the program?”

“Well, we are trying to arrange meetings with these selected customer so that the details can be explained face-to-face.”

“OK, but what is it about in general?”

“It’s about a better level of service we can offer to our top-tier customers.”

“So, I’m not receiving top service now?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that another group within the bank may be able to better meet your needs.”

“Well what needs can these other people meet?”

“Well, sir, that is what we would like to go over with you in our meeting.”

“I understand that, but, before I waste my time coming to some meeting, I’d like know what it is about.”

“I certainly understand that.”

“Do you?”
“Yes, I do. I wish I could explain all the details I am referring to, but it is better to have one of the bankers in this other group explain everything.”

“OK, then why don’t you have him call me.”

“I will pass that message along, but we would really like to invite you to come down to the branch so that we can all introduce ourselves more formally.”

“Look, I don’t have time to arrange some meeting with you if you aren’t even willing to tell me what it’s about. Why don’t you have this other guy call me.”

“That sounds good, Mr. Jones. I will pass this information along and have the other banker get in touch with you. Thank you for your time.”

Sadly, Mr. Jones was the best call I had. Every other call followed that script, but was met with much less patience and much more annoyance. Those leads were then passed on to the Private Banking Rep who promptly threw them down a well. Upon their next visit to the branch, a few of the customers inquired about my call and the one they never received from Private Banking, forcing me to futilely back-peddle out of my previous comments. This was always met with a look of confusion on the customer’s face, as though they had never received their invitation to the elaborate party I had told them I was throwing.

The migration program continued on for a month or so with the Private Banking Group cherry-picking a handful of the areas top retail customers while marginally insulting a great deal more. A “celebration” was held to cap-off the success of the program, but it was scarcely attended. I went to the party solely for the free drinks which I felt were rightfully mine, but wasn’t shocked when we each received only two drink coupons apiece. I scoured the crowd for anything resembling an acquaintance, but saw only a mix of bored Private Banking Reps, annoyed their attendance was required, and disenfranchised Personal Banking Specialists such as myself, who stood expressionless as they took in the additional proof of just how shitty their jobs were. I ultimately decided to belly up to the bar and finish my two drinks alone.