“Hey, right place at the right time, huh?” the Gubber said, flashing his toothy grin as he reached to shake my hand. “Apparently so,” I replied, forcing a smile as I tossed up my free hand in an awkward attempt to mimic surprise. I guess that’s what I was doing. It was my first day... Continue Reading →

On the following Thursday, I followed typical interview-day protocol. I arrived early, but not too early. I was cordial with the receptionist, but wasn’t overly fake or hokey. I tried to look relaxed and self-assured, without looking like a dick. Shortly after 9am, I met the lady with whom I’d had the phone interview. She... Continue Reading →

A few weeks ago I applied to an internal job posting for an Analyst position in the downtown office. It was a position for which I was qualified and was something more in line with the type of job I’d been seeking a year and a half ago when this whole saga began. In fact,... Continue Reading →

“My moms already has a bank account, so I don’t need nuthin’,” DeLeonard informed me. “Yeah, but, you can have your own account. That way you wouldn’t need your mom to get money out for you,” I countered. “It’s cool. She don’t mind,” he said, turning away to check his phone. To that I offered... Continue Reading →

This morning David called Sonya and I into his office to discuss a new initiative that was being handed down from management. Each branch was to begin a project which would identify its respective Level 1 customers and target them as private banking candidates. It was our job to then reach out to these “candidates”... Continue Reading →

“You could be Kung Fu Panda,” Thomas proclaimed. “I could be what?,” I asked after catching only the first few syllables. “You could be Kung Fu Panda,” he restated with even more pleasure. “What is Kung Fu Panda?,” I asked only because social norms required it of me. Ignoring him completely would have broken one... Continue Reading →

David is excellent at math. I know this because he told me today. In fact, he didn’t only tell me, he also demonstrated his abilities by hijacking the Sudoku puzzle I was working on. I’d found the puzzle on the break room table. It didn’t appear to belong to anyone, although it was clear someone... Continue Reading →

Within three minutes of meeting him, I knew I didn’t like David.  I didn’t hate him, but I definitely didn’t like him.  It's funny how that works. David is the new manager who is replacing the Buffoon.  He was already a manager at a different branch, but now has the misfortune of being transferred to... Continue Reading →

The Buffoon finally got canned today.  I got back from lunch to learn that the Buffoon and Carl were having an unscheduled meeting.  This was nothing new as our monthly numbers are once again awful and  warrant a visit from the Regional Manager.  What made everyone nervous was that they were in the conference room,... Continue Reading →

I would estimate that about every third or fourth comment the Buffoon utters makes me want to stab him in the neck.  However, since my unique loathing of him has grown exponentially since the day we first met, I can no longer judge whether his comments are as awful as I perceive them to be... Continue Reading →